Toxic Relationship: Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy

: There are many problems that occur in unhealthy relationships and the research aims to see how far rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) can prevent toxic relationships, the research approach used is the field research method (qualitative) data sources are obtained from interviews and observation to respondents. The results of the study show that rational emotive behavior therapy has a significant impact on the handling of unhealthy relationships experienced by respondents. Providing rational emotive behavior therapy services can change the attitudes, perceptions and ways of thinking of irrational counselees to become rational and eliminate self-destructive emotional disturbances


Introduction
This period is a period of transition from childhood to adulthood which is characterized by accelerated physical, mental, emotional, and social development. Adolescence is a period of life when the capacity to acquire and use knowledge efficiently reaches its peak. Then, with the new powers in reasoning they have, they are able to make judgments and debates (Desmita, 2010).
In adolescence, decision-making is a form of thinking. One of the decision-makers is having a relationship with the opposite sex or dating. The problem of dating is a contemporary problem among today's youth. A natural action as a form of liking for the opposite sex, but mostly it becomes a place for the outlet of lust which has bad consequences for the perpetrators (Hendro Darmawan, 2010). In Islam, only husband and wife relationships allow contact with the opposite sex to occur. It is explained in Islam, that anything approaching adultery is unlawful (AL-Mukaffi, 2012).
For some teenagers today, dating is an identity they are very proud of. However, there are problems in dating relationships that result in violence or toxic relationships that can cause traumatic effects on victims, requiring special handling. The high rate of violence has prompted the Government, namely the Ministry of Women's Empowerment and Child Protection (KemenPPPA) in collaboration with the Central Statistics Agency (BPS) to conduct a National Women's Life Experience Survey (SPHPN) in 2016 to find out information about the life experiences of women who have experienced violence aged 15 years and over. It is known that 33.4% of women aged 15-64 years have experienced physical violence and/or sexual violence during their lifetime, with 18.1% physical violence and 24.2% sexual violence. Thus it is known that this violence mostly occurs in teenage girls.
Therefore guidance and counseling are needed as a medium to help overcome counselee problems. As we know Islamic Guidance and Counseling is an activity of providing guidance, lessons, and guidance to individuals so that a counselee can develop the potential of faith and belief so that he can overcome the problems of living properly and correctly independently with an eye on the Al-Qur'an and As-The Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad SAW (Hamdani Bakran Adz-Dzaki, 2001).
One technique that can be used is Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy. Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy is counseling that emphasizes the interaction of rational thinking, emoting, and acting. (Paturrochmah, 2020). Emotive Rational Therapy is a school of psychotherapy based on the assumption that humans are born with the potential, to think rationally and honestly as well as to think irrationally and evilly. Humans have tendencies to care for themselves, to be happy, to think and say, to love, to join with others, and to grow and actualize themselves (Gerald Corey, 2009). Based on this, researchers feel the need to conduct research related to the effect of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy on Toxic Relationships.

Methods
This research is a type of qualitative research which is a literature study, which uses books and other literature as the main object. Library Studies is a series of activities related to library data collection, reading, recording, and managing research materials.
In education research methods qualitative research is a study aimed at describing and analyzing phenomena, events, social activities, attitudes, beliefs, perceptions, thoughts of people individually or in groups. This research is included in non-interactive qualitative research which is also called analytical research, conducting assessments based on document analysis. Researchers collect, identify, analyze and synthesize data, to then provide interpretations of concepts, policies, and events that can be directly or indirectly observed (Amir Hamzah, 2020).

Results and Discussion
Verbal violence is any speech directed at someone who may be considered condescending, disrespectful, insulting, intimidating, racist, homophobic, ageism or blasphemous (Fitrah et al., 2022). This includes making sarcastic remarks, using a condescending tone of voice, or using excessive and unwanted familiarity. Verbal violence is carried out through speech, namely yelling, cursing, insulting, jeering, shouting, slandering, and speaking harshly and embarrassing someone in public with harsh words. According to Huraerah, verbal violence is carried out in the form of scolding, cursing, nagging, and yelling excessively, including using words that are not appropriate to say (Edo Dwi Cahyo, 2020).
Physical violence is any action taken by a person against another person that causes pain, injury, injury or disability to a person's body and or causes death. Physical violence in courtship can be in the form of hitting, slapping, pulling hair, kicking, pushing, punching, spitting, throwing objects, and sexual harassment (unwanted touching, coercion, and rape) (Irwan Evendi, 2018).
In general, violence that occurs in dating is more triggered by simple problems, but because of their young age, they do not yet have self-control that can control every action taken. This is also confirmed by the theory of symbolic interactionism in explaining deviations using control theory. According to control theory that each of us conforms because of an effective internal and external control system, people who lack effective control will deviate (James M. Henslin, 2007). The impact of physical violence is very concerning, especially if it occurs continuously, the impact of physical violence can be in the form of bruises, broken bones, or even murder (Rozak, 2013).
Based on the explanation above, it can be concluded that violence in courtship or that is included in a toxic relationship can be divided into two forms, namely verbal or psychological and also nonverbal (physical and sexual) both of which can have a fatal impact if they continue to occur to the victim. The impact caused by toxic relationship problems is that it has a bad effect on a woman's personality, lack of self-confidence, feelings of guilt, excessive fear, prolonged trauma, psychosocial disorders in victims, and even suicidal ideation (Vuja Syafrianti Alhidayah, 2020).
As an example of the case that occurred in Semarang Indonesia, on August 23 2021, a woman who experienced sexual violence until she was pregnant 8 months ago then became a victim of murder by her own lover. This happened because the woman refused her boyfriend's request to abort her pregnancy, they had been in a dating relationship for about a year but unfortunately, their relationship was not sanctioned by the woman's parents, and finally, they chose to live together in a boarding house in Semarang, Indonesia (Riska Farasonalia, 2021).
The case was experienced by Novia Widyasari Rahayu and youth R who was a member of the police. The romance that was established in November 2019 had a heartbreaking end, the romance between these two people was not going well, and many toxic relationships occurred in it. Novia experienced verbal, nonverbal, and even sexual violence. Twice experienced pregnancies out of wedlock and was forced to have abortions by taking abortion pills by the lover as well as the mother of the lover. Until it caused Novia to experience major depression and was taken to the RSJ by her mother, the doctor advised Novia to be treated but she refused. Until finally the sad news was heard that Novia died on December 2, 2021, at her father's grave by drinking cyanide mixed into her favorite red velvet drink. Novia poured out her heart through a note written on her cell phone. Starting from the depression he suffered from to his suicidal intentions (Rahman Prayitno Sodikin, 2021).
The next case is still hotly heard, the incident that happened to Edelenyi Laura Anna who was trapped in a toxic relationship. Laura had to undergo a tough test at the age of 19, she suffered damage to her bone marrow and a dislocated neckbone due to an accident caused by her lover. Seeing the lack of good faith from her ex-lover, Laura filed a lawsuit to fight for justice for what happened to her at the East Jakarta District Court (Rosy Dewi Arianti Saptoyo, 2021). According to Laura, her lover is an irresponsible man, he spent not a penny of money to help Laura's treatment, had an affair with another woman, and used Laura's ATM card when she was unconscious. Laura did not only experience material losses but also psychological violence which put Laura in a deep depression coupled with her totally paralyzed physical condition.
The next case example was uploaded by Dany Garjito, Ruth Meliana Dwi Indriani on Tuesday, July 6 2021 at suara.com (Dany Garjito, 2021). The story of a student who went viral on Twitter because he experienced sexual violence from a toxic relationship, in the story uploaded by the victim's friend it was explained that the man (the victim's boyfriend) had committed verbal, physical, and even sexual violence in the form of threats of revenge porn such as spreading immoral content throughout the world cyberspace, which can be in the form of sound recordings, photos or videos made without the knowledge of the victim.
The next news that happened in Bengkulu was written on the Bengkulu Gate page (Gerbang Bengkulu, 2021) wrote about a female student with the initials GU who reported her partner to the Bengkulu Police on Saturday, November 6, 2021 morning, around 10.00 WIB. The victim and the suspect with the initials GBR had a dating relationship and lived in the same boarding house for 4 months. While living together, the perpetrator always asked to be served by husband and wife relations, it was not uncommon for the suspect to be said to often commit physical violence and abuse if the victim refused an invitation to have sexual intercourse. The victim, who felt she could not stand the treatment of her boyfriend, then contacted the family and reported the suspect to the police. Thus this case report was followed up, with the suspect who has been secured at the Bengkulu Police Headquarters for further examination, and the victim who is undergoing a post-mortem to support the report.
There are several therapeutic techniques in REBT theory, namely cognitive techniques (teaching, persuasion, confrontation, and assignment), emotive techniques (sociodrama, selfmodeling, assertive training, imitation), and behavioristic techniques (reinforcement, social modeling, and live models) in which each Therapeutic techniques have their own task or way of helping to deal with the problems faced by the counselee. In the case of a toxic relationship that the author has previously described, the author will analyze what techniques in REBT can help deal with problems experienced by counselees. In the case of a toxic relationship, the techniques contained in REBT are applied in individual counseling, which means that counseling is carried out face-to-face between the counselor and the counselee. Problemsolving is emphasized by individuals who have problems (Zainal Aqib, 2020).
In the first, second and third cases, it could not be analyzed because the victim (a woman) who had a toxic relationship died. Because not only did they receive verbal (psychological) violence which caused the victim to become depressed and lose self-esteem, but it also disrupted her mental health, the victim also experienced physical violence which caused injuries, bruises, bruises and even paralysis by her lover, as well as sexual violence which caused pregnancy (until she was forced to abort the pregnancy). by way of abortion) and losing one's life due to suicide due to stress and depression experienced by the victim, dying from other diseases that arise due to paralysis, and even being killed by his own lover.
In the fourth and fifth cases, an analysis of cases and techniques can be used to deal with problems that occur to victims. Here's the description: The fourth case, was experienced by a woman who went viral on Twitter and was physically, verbally, and sexually abused by her lover, the relationship that had lasted for 2 years was fine and even the woman felt happy, it was actually a toxic relationship. There are so many toxic behaviors experienced by the woman, ranging from verbal violence such as harsh words uttered by her boyfriend to demeaning sentences on the woman which have an impact on the victim's psychology such as falling self-esteem, shame, and humiliation, even hurt.
Not only verbal violence, the toxic relationship experienced by the woman also continued into physical and sexual violence where the woman was beaten, grabbed, slapped, and even strangled. Until it causes bruises on his body. As well as receiving threats of revenge porn from her lover, such as wanting to spread the woman's photo to her family. This caused the woman to be afraid to meet people because she was imagined by the violence she experienced and lost self-confidence.
The fifth case, which occurred in Bengkulu, was a woman who was a victim of sexual violence by her own lover, forced to serve her lover as if a husband and wife also had intercourse. The two lovebirds who lived in the same boarding house claimed to have been married by neighbors around their boarding house. Not only is she a victim of sexual violence, but the woman also experiences other physical violence if she refuses to have intercourse. The victim, who could not stand the treatment of her boyfriend, finally reported the incident to her family and the police.
In the fifth case, this is not much different from the fourth case, there must have been physical injuries suffered by the victim such as cuts or bruises especially the psychological impact which greatly disrupted the victim's activities later such as shame and feeling humiliated, feeling guilty, not trusting himself and others and even prolonged trauma. In this case, the techniques that can be used in individual counseling for handling adolescent victims of toxic relativism are: 1. Cognitive techniques change the counselee's way of thinking, the first stage is teaching where a counselor shows that irrational ways of thinking can interfere with the counselee's emotions. S The counselor plays a more active role and provides understanding to the counselee, by giving examples of events resulting from irrational thoughts. The second stage is persuasive, in which the counselor convinces the counselee to change perspectives and think irrationally is not correct, for example, by giving an illustration that there are many ways of looking at a problem and further impacts when you continue to think irrationally. The third stage is confrontation, where the counselor's job is to help the counselee change his way of thinking from irrational to rational. As well as the fourth stage, namely giving assignments, which is assistance in transitioning the daily activities of the counselee who experiences irrational thoughts so that they have positive activities that can help fill free time so that they can divert unwanted activities, and irrational thoughts that could harm the counselee. 2. As well as the fourth stage, namely giving assignments, which is assistance in transitioning the daily activities of the counselee who experiences irrational thoughts so that they have positive activities that can help fill free time so that they can divert unwanted activities and irrational thoughts that could harm the counselee. 3. Behavioristic techniques seek to modify the counselee's negative behavior, the stages that can be used are: reinforcement techniques (strengthening), to encourage the counselee towards rational and logical behavior by providing rewards or punishments for tasks or activities agreements that the counselee agrees on. The counselor's live models technique provides an overview of certain behaviors in real life in the form of social conversations, and interactions by solving problems.
Basically, every technique in REBT can be used to help deal with toxic relationship problems that occur in young girls. But again, before applying certain techniques, you have to analyze and observe more deeply what kind of problems the counselee is experiencing and the impact he is experiencing through individual counseling, which of course applies existing counseling principles. So that the process of providing assistance can be right on target and problems can be resolved properly. The counseling process is not only carried out in one meeting but the counselor and counselee must conduct several counseling meetings to evaluate whether the technique used is successful or replace it with other counseling techniques.
To help the counselee with the problems that are being faced, of course, good cooperation is needed between the counselor and the counselee, so that there is a change in behavior that occurs in the counselee. This process requires strong motivation from the counselee that he really wants to change. Association and stimulus (stimulus), that is, the individual needs an association (a relationship) between the things in the learning situation and the stimuli that make the behavior change happen. And reinforcement, namely as a determinant of which behavior will be changed, and also how the behavior change occurs (Sugeng Sejati, 2012).

Conclusions and Suggestions
Based on the results of the research that has been done, the authors draw the conclusion that: Toxic relationship is an unhealthy relationship and gives rise to negative emotions that control it and result in hurting one another. Someone who is continuously the victim of verbal violence will feel hurt, cause emotional disturbances, fall in self-esteem, feel ashamed and humiliated, always blame himself, and do not trust himself and others. Furthermore, the impact of physical violence such as causing pain, bruises, injuries, broken bones, wounds or injuries to a person's body, and even death. The impact of sexual violence also varies, such as loss of self-confidence, feelings of guilt, excessive fear, severe suffering, prolonged trauma, to psychological disorders in victims. In addition, victims can also become disabled and even have suicidal ideation. The use of REBT in dealing with toxic relationships can be used to help change emotions which have several techniques, namely: sociodrama techniques, selfmodeling techniques, assertive training techniques, and imitation techniques.